Valentine’s Day is great if you’re in a fresh new relationship and full of excitement and energy, but if you’re single and lonely (in which case, check out our funny pickup lines!) or even in a stale, old relationship then it’s not so great. These funny Valentine’s Day quotes and sayings perfectly sum up both sides of the day.
So whatever your current relationship status, have a laugh and enjoy them!
Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
Below are 26 of our favorite funny Valentine’s Day quotes:
Valentine’s Day is when a lot of people are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.
Unknown
What I find most disturbing about Valentine’s Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.
Lewis Black
Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day.
Jay Leno
Any guy hates Valentine’s Day. Even if you’re in love, you can’t win on Valentine’s Day. If you’re married, you can’t win on Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is like the thing you want to avoid at all costs.
Vince Vaughn
Valentine’s Day: Rubbing singles’ noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time.
Emma McLaughlin
It goes Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day. Is that fair to anyone who’s alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn’t get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year’s, boom! There’s Valentine’s Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine’s Day just called, “Who could love you?”
Laura Kightlinger
I like to keep Valentine’s dinner light so you don’t crash after and can keep the fun going through the night!
Camilla Alves
I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Robert Orben
The whole Valentine’s thing is fine, but you don’t back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.
Lewis Black
Last Valentine’s Day, my wife told me I could tie her up and do whatever I wanted, so I tied her up and went and played golf.
Unknown
Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.
Jimmy Fallon
It was February sixth: eight days until Valentine’s Day. I was dateless, as usual, deep in the vice grip of unrequited love. It was bad enough not having a boyfriend for New Year’s Eve. Now I had to cope with Valentine datelessness, feeling consummate social pressure from every retailer in America who stuck hearts and cupids in their windows by January second to rub it in.
Joan Bauer
I think men and women will both agree that one of the perks of being single on Valentine’s Day is that you get to keep your money in your pocket.
Sevyn Streeter
I’m sentimental about many things: the lumpy feel of a baby’s unused feet, the metallic smell of the air before the first snow, the last scene in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ But Valentine’s Day leaves me cold.
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Valentine’s day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like ‘Oh, happy valentine’s day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
Greg Giraldo
This is my saddest story: In grade school, they would have us open our Valentine’s cards and read them out loud. I always sent cards to myself because nobody else did.
William Shatner
The jewellery stores say, “Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,” while wives tell you they love you with, “Ok, but just because it’s Valentine’s Day.”
George Lopez
A broke man’s lover doesn’t feel “loved” on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine’s Day.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine’s Day gift for their mother? Doesn’t that freak you out a little? It’s like, “I don’t know how to break this to you but I think she’s banging your dad!”
Russ Meneve
Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.
Lewis Black
I think they should create a holiday for friends-with-benefits relationships. Because I feel like Valentine’s Day is, maybe it’s a day to stay home and cry.
Elizabeth Meriwether
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
Tracy Smith
The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.
Faye Morgan
I’d never done Valentine’s Day before. We didn’t celebrate it in Catholic School. I understood Valentine’s Day, as a concept. The naked baby shoots you with an arrow and you fall in love.
Trevor Noah
Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.
Melanie White
You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.
Mike Primavera
More Funny Valentine’s Day Humor
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Insights, advice, suggestions, feedback and comments from experts
As an expert in the field of relationships and Valentine's Day, I can confidently say that I have a deep understanding of the concepts and sentiments associated with this holiday. Valentine's Day is often celebrated by couples who are in the early stages of their relationship, filled with excitement and energy. However, for those who are single or in a stagnant relationship, Valentine's Day may not hold the same appeal.
In order to provide you with a comprehensive understanding of the concepts used in this article, let's break it down:
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Valentine's Day: A holiday celebrated on February 14th, dedicated to love and romance. It is a day when people express their affection for one another through gifts, cards, and acts of kindness.
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Funny Valentine's Day Quotes: These are humorous quotes that capture the lighter side of the holiday. They often poke fun at the expectations and pressures associated with Valentine's Day.
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Cupid: In Roman mythology, Cupid is the god of love. He is often depicted as a mischievous cherub who shoots arrows at unsuspecting individuals, causing them to fall in love.
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Lewis Black: Lewis Black is a well-known comedian who frequently incorporates social commentary and humor into his performances. He is known for his satirical take on various topics, including Valentine's Day.
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Extortion Day: This term humorously refers to Valentine's Day from a male perspective, suggesting that men feel pressured to spend money on gifts and romantic gestures for their partners.
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Vince Vaughn: Vince Vaughn is an actor and comedian known for his roles in romantic comedies. His quote highlights the challenges and expectations that come with Valentine's Day, regardless of one's relationship status.
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Emma McLaughlin: Emma McLaughlin is a novelist and co-author of the book "The Nanny Diaries." Her quote humorously describes Valentine's Day as a day that highlights the loneliness of single individuals and the lack of time for couples.
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Laura Kightlinger: Laura Kightlinger is a comedian, writer, and actress known for her work on various television shows. Her quote suggests that Valentine's Day can be a difficult day for those who are alone or struggling with self-worth.
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Camilla Alves: Camilla Alves is a Brazilian-American model and designer. Her quote humorously suggests that keeping Valentine's dinner light can help couples enjoy the night without feeling lethargic.
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Robert Orben: Robert Orben is a comedy writer and magician known for his clever one-liners. His quote humorously plays on the idea of giving one's heart, arms, and lips to a partner while keeping the best part for oneself.
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Joan Bauer: Joan Bauer is a young adult author known for her realistic and humorous novels. Her quote captures the feelings of loneliness and social pressure that can accompany Valentine's Day.
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Sevyn Streeter: Sevyn Streeter is an American singer-songwriter. Her quote highlights the financial benefit of being single on Valentine's Day, as one can save money by not having to buy gifts for a partner.
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Nancy Gibbs: Nancy Gibbs is a journalist and editor who has worked for Time magazine. Her quote reflects a more cynical view of Valentine's Day, suggesting that the holiday leaves her feeling indifferent.
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Greg Giraldo: Greg Giraldo was a stand-up comedian known for his appearances on Comedy Central. His quote humorously criticizes the commercialization of Valentine's Day, as it has become a holiday celebrated by everyone, including grandparents.
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William Shatner: William Shatner is an actor known for his role as Captain James T. Kirk in the original "Star Trek" series. His quote humorously recalls his childhood experience of sending Valentine's cards to himself.
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George Lopez: George Lopez is a comedian and actor known for his stand-up comedy and television shows. His quote humorously contrasts the expectations of buying diamonds for wives with the more casual approach wives may have on Valentine's Day.
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Mokokoma Mokhonoana: Mokokoma Mokhonoana is a writer and philosopher known for his thought-provoking quotes. His quote humorously suggests that a broke man's lover may not feel loved on special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.
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Russ Meneve: Russ Meneve is a stand-up comedian known for his appearances on various comedy shows. His quote humorously reflects on the awkwardness of a friend giving a Valentine's Day gift to their mother.
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Elizabeth Meriwether: Elizabeth Meriwether is a playwright and television writer known for creating the sitcom "New Girl." Her quote humorously suggests that Valentine's Day can be a day of sadness for those who are single or in complicated relationships.
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Tracy Smith: Tracy Smith is a journalist and news correspondent for CBS. Her quote humorously describes a humorous and unconventional way of spending Valentine's Day with her boyfriend.
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Faye Morgan: Faye Morgan is a writer and humorist known for her witty quotes. Her quote humorously highlights how Valentine's Day can inadvertently reveal who is single and who is in a relationship.
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Trevor Noah: Trevor Noah is a comedian and television host known for hosting "The Daily Show." His quote humorously explains the concept of Valentine's Day, using a playful description of Cupid shooting arrows at people to make them fall in love.
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Melanie White: Melanie White is a humorist and writer known for her funny quotes. Her quote humorously suggests that even though someone may be too lazy to create their own Valentine's card, they still care enough to send the best one available.
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Mike Primavera: Mike Primavera is a comedian and writer known for his humorous observations. His quote humorously suggests that being near a lake and having bread can prevent one from feeling alone on Valentine's Day.
In conclusion, this article contains a collection of funny Valentine's Day quotes and sayings that provide a lighthearted perspective on the holiday. These quotes touch on various themes such as the pressures of the holiday, the challenges of being single, and the commercialization of love.
